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Chris Hamann & Mary Cress



Captain, it is highly illogical for you to brood over a Human error.  


Damn it, Spock, it wasn’t a Human error—it was a totally inexcusable Human error! When I catch that yeoman...

Illogical, Captain. An error is an error. However, since it was made, why do we not participate in the activities provided?  


Participate?! Are you out of your Vulcan mind? Participate in this ancient... archaic...definitely not!

Captain, your behavior is irrational.  

I don’t care if it’s irrational! I was looking forward to two days of hiking and exploring in the forests of Ebulon Two, and, instead, here we are at the Ebulon Revival of Women’s Arts Institute.

I would think that you would be pleased, Captain, being surrounded by so many members of the opposite sex.  


Wipe that Vulcan smirk off your face, Spock! All these women are at least twenty years older than we are. And they barely qualify as humanoids!

Captain, I am a Vulcan. Vulcans do not smirk.



Don’t give me that. I know a smirk when I see one and that was a smirk!

It is illogical to argue over trival matters which have no pertinence to the situation. I believe, Captain, that your tendency toward irrationality is a result of your continued inactivity...I suggest that you do attempt to try the activity provided.  




You try if you want to, Spock—I’ll just “tend toward irrationality” for the next few days.

Very well, Captain. If that is your wish.  

Damn right.

I shall see you at dinner. Perhaps your irrationality will have diminished somewhat by thst time. Goodbye.



Spock...where are you going?


Spock...Spock! You aren’t really serious about this needlework stuff, are you?

It is the only activity provided, Captain.
All right, all right. But if you ever tell anyone about this...


Ouch! Sh...! That’s the fourth time!

Captain, perhaps it would be less “bloody” if you would remove your finger from in front of the needle.  


I didn’t have my finger in front of the blasted just stuck me from out of nowhere!

Your statement is illogical. A sharp pointed instrument cannot strike from “nowhere.” It must have a point of origin...Captain, your stitches are crooked.





Spock, you’re smirking again! Okay, let’s see yours!


Hmmph...Is there anything you can’t do?

There are many things beyond my capabilities. For instance—



Never mind! I’ll bet you were the “teacher’s pet” in school!

I beg to differ, Captain, my instructor never owned—



You know what I mean, Spock. Even now, your work is better than the teacher, and she says so. But mine...

You do have a...slightly different method than most, Captain.



Well, I guess I do. Hey—how did you do that? I can’t get the knack of that stitch.

Here, Captain, let me show you. First, you loop it like so, and then you pull the thread tight.



Yes, but the thread keeps tangling. How do you keep it free...oh, I see. Like this?

Yes, Captain, that stitch looks very nice.  


How does the whole thing look? Can you recognize it?

Hmmm, it appears to be an abstract.



It’s the Enterprise, Spock. And you have it upside down.

Oh, of course. How could I have missed the resemblance?



I give up, Spock...this is a mess, and it’s got blood spots all over it, too.

Perhaps a second attempt is necessary. Now that you understand the process. And we do have another day of shore leave left.




We would get stuck in a place with no transporter service and only a limited shuttle schedule. Here, does this look...any better?

Affirmative, Captain. Now I can see that the Enterprise is in dry dock.




She’s firing her phasers.

My fault, Captain. The blood spots are distorting the image.



Uh, oh. Here comes the teacher. I wonder what kind of “grade” I’ll get on this.

It depends upon how the instructor views the work. Perhaps if you would not point out what the image was.




But she’ll ask me...and shouldn’t you be able to tell what it is if it’s any good?

Yes, however, the instructor has never seen the Enterprise and wouldn’t recognize her.  


Oh, I guess not. How did you do that? That right there? It’s so...precise!

It is only logical to be precise... The stitch is done like so.



Oh, I see. I was trying to do it this way. Well, did you see that? The teacher just shook her head. But she positively beamed over your work. Where did you learn to do this?

Right here, Captain. you mean to tell me this is your first attempt? Of course it is...what am I saying? Starfleet Academy doesn’t teach this!

Perhaps you should mention something to Admiral Nogura about instituting such a program.




I don’t think so. I can’t see much need for it in Starfleet. If you ask me, it’s rather...masochistic.

That is only because you lack the hand-to-eye coordination skills necessary to remove you finger from the path of the needle before it strikes. Might I recommend that an archaic device known as a “thimble” be used in the future to prevent you from losing so much blood.







A what?

A thimble...a small metal cup that is placed over one’s finger to prevent it from resembling a “pincushion.”




Spock, forgive me for saying it, but you really do irritate me sometimes.


Well,’s the captain and his first officer, back from their nature jaunt!
That is not quite the way I would classify our leave, Doctor.




Never mind, Spock.


What is that you have in your hand, Jim?







Wait a minute, Spock. You’ve got something, too. What is it?  


Nothing, Bones... Come on, Spock.

Doctor, did anyone ever tell you that you have a bad habit of being nosey?  



All the time...let me see that. Why, Spock, where did you get the tapestry? It’s beautiful!

I believe the correct response is “thank you,” Doctor.  



Why? What do you mean?

I made this, Doctor. Our shore leave took a somewhat different route than was expected. Our final destination was the Ebulon Revival of Woman’s Art Institute, rather than the forest as we expected.








How in the galaxy did you end up there?

It was a Human error on the part of the Starbase travel coordinator, a yeoman on her first tour of duty here on Ebulon Two.






So you made this, huh, Spock? It’s really attractive. Let’s see yours,



Uh...what is it?

Can’t you tell, Doctor? The captain made a portrait of—




Of course I can tell what it is! It’’’s Jim’s interpretation of—








It’s the Enterprise, Bones.

Doctor, I believe it would help if you held it the right way.




Oh! Yes...I see. But what’s

all this other stuff around her? Drydock, right? Wait, Jim...don’t walk off!

Doctor, the Enterprise is firing her phasers...can’t you see that?





Yes, I can see, Spock! But what’s all this over here? It looks like blood to me.


Jim, what did you do to your finger? You have it all

bandaged up. Better let me look at it.













Nothing—I didn’t do anything to it. I’ll see you both later.

Spock, do you know what happened to Jim’s finger?

It is nothing to be alarmed about, Doctor. The captain simply forgot his thimble.


Now if you will excuse me, I have duties that I must attend to.

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