2273 U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701
While on a standard survey of the Alpha Cygni star system, my senior staff and I have found ourselves transported to some sort of reconstruction of an ancient Earth courtroom.
"Jim, what the hells going on here?" McCoy snapped. "This is something out of Earths post-Atomic Horror era, isnt it?"
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed, Doctor." The Vulcan surveyed their surroundings. "It appears to be a Mandarin court, sir."
Chekov chirped, "Uh oh."
Sulu muttered softly. "They were the ones who did away with the innocent until proven guilty sentiment."
Scotty gulped. "If I recall, they nevr had it in the first place."
Uhura grimaced. "Actually, they had guilty until proven innocent. And they lined up all their lawyers before a firing squad."
"Oh, swell," Ensign Torres moaned.
The bailiff pounded his staff. "All present, stand and make respectful attention to the Honored Judge Q."
Kirk looked at the far end of the courtroom, and entering the facility was a smiling humanoid, sitting in a chair mounted to an antigrav. The captain stepped forward. "Im Captain James T. Kirk of the United Space Ship Enterprise representing the United Federation of Planets."
"Before this gracious court now appear these prisoners to answer for the multiple and grievous savagery of the species," intoned the bailiff. "How plead you?"
"Not guilty, your Honor," answered the captain.
The JudgeQ, it called itselfsmiled. "This is a court of fact. Your presence here indicates your guilt."
"And what exactly are we guilty of, your Honor?" asked Spock, tilting his head.
Q leaned forward. "You cant deny youre a dangerous savage child-race." The crowd in the courtroom went wild in support of the judges statement.
Kirk smiled. "I dont deny it. Hell, yes, were savage, but were trying to overcome it."
The judge looked confused. "Really? I hadnt thought youd admit that. Hmm." He raised a finger. "But youre still a danger to the galaxy." The crowd erupted again.
As the din died down, Kirk shrugged. "Possibly, but isnt everything else? Weve encountered many forms of alien life that are equally as child-like, but are even more advanced and dangerous. Why not erase them from existence?"
Q smiled like a card player using his trump-card. "You were chosen."
Kirk lifted both hands in supplication. "If we were chosen, then that must mean were better than other the other races. But our experiences tell us we cannot be. So I submit to you that youve made an error!
A look of panic began to form on Qs face. "You were chosen at random!"
Spock radiated disapproval. "That doesnt sound very logical to me."
Q looked flummoxed. "The Q are not logical."
Kirk smiled broadly. "Neither are Humans..."
The judge looked haughty. "But we are superior, and you must be destroyed, for the good of the galaxy."
Kirk looked annoyed. "Then destroy us already! Why wait?"
Fury filled Qs visage. "Because Im having a good time!" he shouted in anger.
Kirk held his sides, laughing hard. "Really?"
The judge leaned forward, eyes blazing like supernovas in the dark void of space. Suddenly, they twinkled. "All right! All right!" he laughed. "You win!"
Q snapped his fingers, and the entire crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise found themselves at a luau. Chekov and Sulu were doing the limbo. Uhura was leading the congo line with Scott, McCoy, Torres, Rand, Nored and Cleary. Most of the men were wearing Hawaiian shirts and shorts. The women were wearing grass skirts, haltertops and leis, and everyone had a mai tai in their drinking hand. On the bandstand, Don Ho and his band were playing "Tiny Bubbles" in the background.
Although seemingly displeased by his current state of dress, Spock was impressed. "Fascinating, Captain. Instant teleportation? Advanced holography? Temporal displacement?" He cautiously sipped his mai tai.
A similarly attired Q slapped Kirks back. "Whaddaya think, Jimmy-Boy?"
Captain Kirk shook his head and laughed. "Well, at least its better than the last time I ran into an omnipotent being." Don Ho waved a greeting at him. "A lot better, come to think of it."
Q gasped. "What do you mean? Youve run into omnipotent beings before?!"
Kirk answered, "Oh, sure. Theres the Organians..."
Q chortled in contempt. "A bunch of newbies."
Spock suggested, "The Metrons."
The Vulcan added, "Melkotians."
Kirk chuckled. "What about Trelane?"
Q considered the name. "Hmm. Trelane. Doesnt ring a bell...Sorry!"
Kirk smiled. "He tried to put me into a courtroom, too!"
"And what happened with him?"
The captain laughed. "His parents came home and spanked him."
Q let loose a riotous laugh. "Well, that wont happen here, Jimmy-Boy. Enjoy this little party; youve earned it. This has been very entertaining. Ill have to try it again sometime."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Wont our reports on this encounter contaminate your next experiment?"
"Huh?" Q turned to the captain. "Can you translate for me?"
"He says our knowledge of you is going to ruin your fun next time."
"Nah," said Q. "Ill just put you back in time to where I intercepted your ship in the first place."
"Isnt that dangerous?" asked Kirk.
Q laughed. "Well of course it is! But I can handle it, I promise you. I am, after all, omnipotent you know."
U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701
Captains Log, Stardate 7395.4
While on a standard survey of the Alpha Cygni star system, our sensors have detected humanoid life on the fourth planet of this system. However, probes indicate a complete lack of even atomic technology, and the Prime Directive comes into play.
Personal Note: I was going to put in for a shore leave request for the crew, but were all feeling so well, were going to proceed directly to Deep Space Station D-3 for resupply and perhaps a new assignment.
"Captain, a word with you, sir?"
Kirk was walking down the corridor to his cabin, and he turned when he heard Uhuras voice. "Yes, Commander?"
"Sir, I found this in my quarters." She handed him a lei.
"I take it its not yours, Uhura?"
"No, sir. Ive never been to Hawaii or a luau."
He chuckled. "Probably some sort of esoteric prank by your helmsman and security chief."
"Ill kill em," she said grimly, and spun around, heading the opposite way.
Kirk shook his head and entered his cabin. Sighing deeply, he rubbed his eyes and said, "Lights."
On his bed was a lei.
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