written by D.C. Fontana
unspecificed draft excerpt undated
report & analysis by David Eversole
script excerpt courtesy of Audrey Anderson & Curt McAloney
Monday's child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe.
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child works for its living.
And a child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is fair and wise and bonny and gay.
-- author unknown
This episode had a lengthy scene which was cut and replaced with a captain's log entry voice over as Kirk and company walked through the countryside.
EXT. CAPELLAN ENCAMPMENT - FULL SHOT - NIGHT
To ESTABLISH some Tribesmen seated on the ground around the campfire, which now flutters bright flame. The Tribesmen sit in a square with one end of it open. The open space is occupied by Maab. In b.g. is Akaar's tent, guarded. We see the Klingon, Kras, edge to move off in that direction.
Stay, Klingon. There is nothing to
concern you there.
Kras has no choice but to move back to the fire.
We have made our agreement,
Maab. I have a right to my weapons.
Maab opens his robes, exhibits an Enterprise and a Klingon phaser tucked into his belt. Keel and Duur exhibit Enterprise phasers also.
We have them well cared for,
Klingon. Your weapon will be returned
when our business is completed.
That was our agreement.
INT. AKAAR'S TENT - CLOSE ON TENT WALL - NIGHT
A knife blade is inserted in the thin material, swiftly slashes a line down it. CAMERA PULLS BACK to REVEAL Kirk and Spock slipping inside. They search the tent hurriedly... suddenly Kirk discovers the belts with the communicators still on them.
Communicators. The phasers are gone.
Kirk and Spock start to look further... but McCoy sticks his head and shoulders through the slit in the tent wall, calls softly, urgently:
Kirk and Spock come away quickly, McCoy motions them out.
They're headed for our tent.
They'll find we're gone...
There is an O.S. SHOUT of alarm.
That's it. Let's get out of here.
Kirk and Spock follow McCoy through the hole in the tent wall.
EXT. BUSHY AREA (BEHIND TENTS) - NIGHT
A moment, to ESTABLISH the dim outline of low scrub brush... perhaps in far b.g. the faint glow of light from tents or campfire. Then the SOUND of hurrying FOOTSTEPS... and the Enterprise men come INTO SHOT, ducking into cover with Eleen, who stumbles heavily. McCoy tries to help her, she angrily brushes him off.
CLOSER - ON KIRK
He kneels, takes the communicator off the belt which he is now wearing... snaps open the screen.
Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise, come in.
Spock comes in beside him now, holding his own communicator. Kirk gives Spock a quizzical look.
ANGLE TO INCLUDE MCCOY
Looking over Eleen worriedly.
When is your child due?
(ignores it; to Kirk)
Your vessel is gone?
It'll return in time.
Maab will have you then.
You are small by our
measurements, you move
slowly, you have little strength...
She has a surge of pain, tries to hide it. McCoy reacts worriedly.
Pain? Is it the baby or the burned
(ignores him; to Kirk)
At this moment, my eyes see a
hundred things yours do not.
Maab's will see a hundred things
more. Your noses are weak.
Maab and his men can follow at
night, using scent alone...
Another surge of pain.
Young lady, I'm a doctor!!
I want to know what's hurting you?
I am a Capellan; I feel nothing.
Heroics won't help that baby of yours.
It is Akaar's child. I did not
want it and I would kill it myself
if it would save me.
(grabs her wrist)
You listen to me, Missy...
you're not killing anything
while I'm here to prevent it. We
intend to keep both you and
your baby alive, whether you
want it or not. Hear me?
Eleen twists herself free, her face contorted with anger and loathing for McCoy.
You are to be pitied. Does
death frighten you so?
I can hear them, Jim.
Good. One thing they can't
match is your ears.
Exactly what do you mean by
With your hearing, we can elude
them. What did you think I meant?
The female is right, they must
scent us. They move in this
CAMERA MOVES IN CLOSE ON KIRK. He snaps the communicators in his hand shut, his face set in firm decision. They all start to stand, move out.
EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE
flashing across the sparkling velvet of deep space.
INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE - FULL SHOT - ANGLE ON MAIN VIEWING SCREEN
Only the wilderness of stars out there, nothing else.
ANOTHER ANGLE - COMMAND POSITIONS
Sulu consults his instruments, glances up at the main screen.
Approaching the freighter's last
reported position, sir.
In the above excerpt, the scene between
Maab and Kras was filmed, and aired. We then cut to the Enterprise where Sulu has the line
about approaching the freighter's last known position. Once that scene concludes (about 22
minutes into the episode, a third of the way through Act Two), we cut to Kirk, Spock,
McCoy and Eleen crossing Capellan countryside (the ubiquitous Vasquez Rocks, now almost as
famous as some of the characters themselves).
Kirk's voice-over goes as follows in the aired episode:
Captain's Log, Stardate 3499.1
Before leaving the Capellan encampment,
we managed to retrieve our
communicators. Our phasers
were not to be found. We have fled
into the hills, yet we know the
Capellans will eventually find us--
by scent alone if necessary. And
we have learned one thing more...
The girl--Eleen--hates the unborn
child she is carrying.
As in most cases of excised scenes, the
reason was undoubtedly to get the episode down to the 50-51 minutes running time prevalent
of "hour-long" shows in the 1960s.
The log nicely fills in all we need to know, yet I think it would have strengthened the character of Eleen if we had been shown more of her disregard for her unborn child before her relationship with McCoy led her to accept and love it. One of the first rules in drama is "Show, don't tell." Little details we can be told, but major moments like "I did not want it, and I would kill it if it would save me" should be shown to contrast with the final scenes of her holding the infant lovingly in her arms.
Plus, I just want to hear Julie Newmar say "Your noses are weak!"
D. C. (DOROTHY CATHERINE) FONTANA (1939-2019): she was Gene Roddenberry's assistant, and after her first sale of a script to Bonanza, she soon began writing for Star Trek. Her work for the Star Trek franchise includes "Charlie X" (Story by Gene Roddenberry), "Tomorrow Is Yesterday," "This Side of Paradise" (Story by Nathan Butler (Jerry Sohl)), "Journey To Babel," "Friday's Child," "By Any Other Name" (w/Jerome Bixby), "The Ultimate Computer" (Story by Lawrence N. Wolfe), "The Enterprise Incident," "That Which Survives" (Story, using her pseudonym Michael Richards), "The Way To Eden" (Story, using her pseudonym Michael Richards). In addition, in 1995, after nearly thirty years, Fontana finally revealed to Harlan Ellison that it was she who rewrote the majority of the aired version of his "The City On The Edge of Forever." Fontana went on to serve as the story editor, script supervisor and associate producer for the animated Star Trek series. In addition to her duties, she wrote "Yesteryear." When Roddenberry decided to bring forth Star Trek: The Next Generation, he turned to Fontana, Justman and Gerrold. Unfortunately, she and Roddenberry had several disagreements, and her only contributions to Modern Trek were "Encounter At Farpoint" (w/Gene Roddenberry) and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's "Dax." Ms. Fontana has also written for Ghost Story, Fastastic Journey, The Six Million Dollar Man, Babylon 5, and also wrote for the fan-made film series Star Trek: New Voyages.
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