written by Gene Roddenberry
STORY OUTLINE, May 8, 1968
report & analysis by David Eversole
This outlines action remained little changed when Arthur H. Singer developed the story into a shooting script, however there were structural changes -- most notably, the two final acts were truncated into one. To avoid confusion, and extra typing, if Janices mind is in Kirks body in a scene, I will type "Kirk." If it is Kirks essence in Janices body I will type "Janice."
In the outline, Dr. Janice Lisette (named, no doubt, for third season writer Jean Lisette Aroeste ("Is There in Truth No Beauty?" & "All Our Yesterdays")) renders Kirk unconscious with a phaser blast, then drags his body to the mind transference device. Probably easier for the actress to simply zap Shatner with the device which causes him to be "magnetized" to the panel in the aired episode. As Janice is doing this, Dr. Coleman has taken Spock and McCoy out onto the planets surface to look for survivors of the radiation poisoning, and we cut to them to show that Coleman is delaying their return to allow Janice time to effect the transfer. Again, cheaper to simply not show them as they go look for the survivors.
This act is longer in the outline. "Janice" cuts her restraints and escapes. This was transferred to the Third Act for the aired episode. "Kirk" first goes to the bridge and makes several gaffes.
The conversation between McCoy and Spock concerning Kirks behavior is here in the outline. "Janice" attempts to convince Spock she is really Kirk. This was transferred to Act Three for the aired episode. There is no mind-meld between Spock and "Janice." This act ends with "Kirk" ordering the court martial of Spock for releasing "Janice."
This short act covers the court-martial up until Scott and McCoy plot "mutiny." It ends with "Kirk" pronouncing the death sentence on all four. This was simply truncated into the twenty minute long Act Four which aired.
The outlines fourth act covers the rest of the court-martial, and the subsequent attempt by "Kirk" and Dr. Coleman to kill "Janice" with a hypo of deadly drugs.
The outline calls for a much longer fight between Coleman and "Janice." The mind transference wears off, and both Coleman and Lisette accidentally get injected and are dying. Nurse Chapel arrives just in time with the antidote.
They are both arrested and taken to a starbase to be handed over to the proper authorities.
The outline calls for an epilogue on the bridge. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have beamed up from the starbase, and Kirk is in a huffy mood.
From the outline:
Enterprise in orbit around our Starfleet Base planet. Kirk, Spock and McCoy arrive on the bridge, having delivered Janice and Coleman to the authorities below. Kirk is definitely irritated...some comment the Starfleet Base Commodore made when Kirk was complimenting the Commodore's wife on the style of her dress. What did the Commodore's joke mean about Kirk's interest in female fashion? As Kirk takes his position in the command chair, he starts to give an order and some small attitude comes out slightly feminine. McCoy moves in with Spock to assure Kirk that such "lapses" have nothing to do with masculinity. During the period Janice controlled his body, certain habit patterns were formed in the brain synapse nerve connections and these must be relearned. While McCoy is sympathetic, Spock's Vulcan nature has him starting to say that it is highly illogical that Kirk be troubled by such small things. McCoy takes Kirk's side... Spock retorts... McCoy counters... and the argument shifts between those two. Meanwhile, a very pretty young female YEOMAN enters for duty, reporting to Kirk that the Starfleet base below has just assigned her to fill a Yeoman vacancy. Kirk looks her over for a long moment...very approvingly. Then he cuts into the argument between Spock and McCoy with the statement that he really isn't too concerned. He looks at the lovely young female Yeoman again... yes, for some reason, his concern about himself has entirely disappeared. Take her out of orbit, Sulu and Chekov. Ahead warp factor one.
Im glad that nonsense was dropped.
Genes ADMONITIONS: This outline is filled with almost self-congratulatory notes. Roddenberry states over and over that this is one of the most daring stories Star Trek has ever attempted, that it is a great challenge to Shatner and a "Female Guest Star." He goes out of his way to assure Shatner that he should look at this as an opportunity to display his acting chops. It gets a bit old, and after a while I wanted to say, "Yes, Gene, I get it, its a great outline, can we move on?"
But, perhaps it would have been better if Shatner had listened, and tried to channel a distraught, driven, insane woman instead of playing her as a screaming, tantrum-throwing five-year-old.
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