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written by Samuel A. Peeples
FINAL REVISED DRAFT, dated July 9, 1965

(with further revised pages inserted, dated July 14 & 15, 1965)
report & analysis by Dave Eversole

Click here for a review of the FIRST DRAFT.

This one matches the aired pilot pretty closely with one major and a few small exceptions.

The major one--a page and a half opening teaser (which I understand is on the alternate version of the episode which was prepared for the execs).

The Teaser (for the record, Peeples (or the stencil typist) misspells a couple words, but I've typed them as was):

FADE IN:

PHOTO PLATE - TIGHT ON EARTH'S GALAXY

CAMERA PULLING BACK to establish the saucer-shape, the vast cloud of suns and planets.

KIRK'S VOICE
This is our galaxy -- a gigantic cloud of
suns and planets, in which our Earth is
but a pinpoint, one speck of dust. The
galaxy is so vast that even traveling at
millions of miles per hour it would still
take millions of years to cross through it.

Then CAMERA PANNING along the photo plate away from Earth's galaxy to reveal the gulf of empty, black space dotted only by a few milky spots of phospherescence which mark other galaxies millions of light years away.

KIRK'S VOICE
And yet, as incredible as it seems, it is
itself only one of untold billions of other
galaxies, each separated by voids of
emptiness so vast that time, matter
and energy may not even mean the
same out there.

EXT. SPACE - U. S. S. ENTERPRISE (STOCK)

Our starship APPROACHING CAMERA through fairly dense star background, at first only a pinpoint in the distance, then flashing into view and PAST CAMERA.

KIRK'S VOICE
The U. S. S. Enterprise. Until now its
task of space law regulation, contact
with Earth's colonies, and investigation
of alien life, had always kept the vessel
within galaxy limits.

EXT. OUTERSTELLAR SPACE - U. S. S. ENTERPRISE

moving AWAY FROM CAMERA, but now using only a single PLATE of star motion -- our combination of this and the preceding scene giving the impression of the U. S. S. Enterprise moving out of the galaxy and through thinning stars toward that black void of emptiness beyond.

KIRK'S VOICE
But on star date 1312.4, its massive
space-warp engines brought it to the
edge of that black void.
(pause)
My name is James Kirk...
commanding the Enterprise. Our
mission -- a probe out into where
no man had gone before.

As the U. S. S. Enterprise moves away and out of sight, TITLE ZOOMS INTO FULL FRAME:

"STAR TREK"

OUTERSTELLAR SPACE STOCK (to be selected).

OPENING CREDITS

FADE OUT.

Mitchell is shown walking along a corridor, nodding to passing crewmen, passes Yeoman Smith, gives her a "special male approving look." Then he dashes for the elevator with Kirk and Spock.

No mention of who the first officer is.

Kirk's gravestone is described as a simple white cross like those that adorn the graves in national cemeteries. His initial is "R" as in the aired episode.

After Spock tells Kirk that he too felt for Mitchell, he continues with: "I hated every minute of being logical about it."


SAMUEL A. PEEPLES (1917-1997): Best known as the writer of Star Trek's second pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before," but some people forget that he also contributed an episode ("Beyond The Farthest Star") for the animated Star Trek series, and wrote an unused script for the second Star Trek movie (Worlds That Never Were) which discarded the character of Khan and, instead, involved two travelers from an alternate dimension facing off against Kirk and company. Peeples has an impressive array of credits on other television series as writer, series creator and producer. They include: Wanted: Dead or Alive, Bonanza, Burke's Law, The Legend of Jesse James (series creator), A Man Called Shenandoah and The New Animated Adventures of Flash Gordon.


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