written by Samuel A. Peeples
FIRST DRAFT, dated May 27, 1965
report & analysis by Dave Eversole
Click here for a
review of the FINAL REVISED DRAFT.
Peeples' first draft, amazingly, was changed relatively
little--it is about 85% what was finally filmed. Some names are different--here we have
Lieutenant Clark Mitchell, Lieutenant Leroy Kelso and Ship's Doctor Johnson (Johnson is
only referenced by his last name once, the senior staff are simply tagged as Ship's
Doctor, Ship's Engineer, Ship's Physicist, etc.).
Some differences between this script and what aired:
- The action opens with the Kirk log detailed in my review
of the shooting script, then cuts directly to the bridge; no introductory chess game
between Kirk and Spock, no first meeting with Mitchell in the elevator.
- There is no mention of stardates. One of Kirk's logs
opens with, "Captain's Log, Report 197."
- It is stated in the narrative that Spock is senior to
Mitchell. Spock is described as red-hued, much as in Roddenberry's first series outline.
Perhaps Peeples never saw "The Cage."
- The Valiant was lost 132 years ago. The Valiant's
recorder is brought into an engineering airlock by the tractor beam, not beamed directly
onboard via the transporter.
- Mitchell is even more flirtatious than in the aired
version--he even refers to Yeoman Smith as "kitten." Spock is the one who knew
and worked with Mitchell for years. Although friends, Mitchell and Kirk are not as close
as in the aired version, and there is no talk of any shared history.
- When the Enterprise passes through the barrier
at the edge of the galaxy, everyone is enveloped in a greenish glow and bolts of green
"electricity" shoot from their hands and feet.
- A mass funeral is held in the Ship's Chapel (described as
containing symbols such as the Christian Cross and the Jewish Star of David, as well as
several unknown alien religious icons) and the bodies of the dead are consigned to space.
- Much of the action then transpires as aired, though in
this draft Kirk does not divert to Delta Vega with the intent of stranding Mitchell. Kelso
and three others are strangled onboard the Enterprise, then Clark Mitchell, using
his mental powers, diverts the ship to an unnamed planet which he beams down to with
- Kirk regains control of the ship, and, armed with a laser
rifle, beams down after them. He makes his way across the mountainous terrain toward
Mitchell and Dehner, suddenly finds that the blue sand he is crossing is quicksand. He
sinks fast, but pulls a small gun, armed with a steel barb, from his belt, fires it toward
a rock wall. A thin nylon-like rope shoots out and the barb embeds itself in the wall.
Kirk drags himself free of the quicksand.
- Using his power, Mitchell blocks Kirk's path with a wall
of blue flames. Kirk, using his barb/rope weapon, swings over the flames, lands safely on
the other side. Mitchell then attempts to stop him with a gale-force wind, but Kirk
continues on doggedly, eventually confronts the two. Things play out as in the aired
version, but in the final fight, there is no grave or tombstone. Weakened by Dehner's
dying blast of energy, Mitchell is at the edge of a cliff, below him is a thousand-foot
drop. He and Kirk fight, and Mitchell, weakened, is forced over the edge. Kirk extends a
hand to him, Mitchell grabs hold, but he is too weak, lets go and plummets to his death.
- Onboard the Enterprise, Spock agrees with Kirk
that Mitchell and Dehner should be listed as casualties since they did not ask for what
befell them. Kirk and Spock smile at each other, and for the first time there seems to be
the beginning of a friendship between the two.
SAMUEL A. PEEPLES (1917-1997):
Best known as the writer of Star Trek's second pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone
Before," but some people forget that he also contributed an episode ("Beyond The
Farthest Star") for the animated Star Trek series, and wrote an unused
script for the second Star Trek movie (Worlds That Never Were) which
discarded the character of Khan and, instead, involved two travelers from an alternate
dimension facing off against Kirk and company. Peeples has an impressive array of credits
on other television series as writer, series creator and producer. They include: Wanted:
Dead or Alive, Bonanza, Burke's Law, The Legend of Jesse James (series
creator), A Man Called Shenandoah and The New Animated Adventures of Flash
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