teleplay by Gilbert A. Ralston and Gene L. Coon
story by Gilbert A. Ralston
FINAL DRAFT SCRIPT: May 15, 1967

Review, Analysis, and Report by Dave Tilotta

"Who Mourns for Adonais?," a title borrowed from a line in Percy Bysshe Shelley’s eulogy for John Keats, is a terrific episode from Star Trek's second season. It treats us to some memorable dramatic moments: we see Scotty fall for a woman for the first time, an "alien" who is complex and non-melodramatic, and Chekov with a sense of humor. Interestingly, this final draft script, completed two weeks before the start of shooting, is quite different from the aired version. In fact, if I were forced to use one word to describe this script, that word would have to be "rough."

Heterogrammatikos

There are several major differences between this draft and the aired version, so let’s start off by examining those before looking at the details in the various acts. First on the list: Spock is used differently in the script. Specifically, he accompanies the landing party to the planet along with Kirk, Scotty, McCoy, and Chekov. In the broadcast version if you recall, Kirk leaves Spock on the ship because he reminds Apollo of Pan (a line, incidentally, that Apollo uses in the script when he first sees Spock on the planet). When rewriting the script to keep Spock on the ship, his dialogue was given mostly to Sulu. And in turn, McCoy and Chekov were given Spock’s scripted planet-side dialogue in the aired version. Overall, I think the script works fine with Spock on the planet, though Chekov is somewhat underutilized in it. Clearly the broadcast version gives our newly-introduced ensign much more to do.

Another major difference between the scripted and aired versions is the proper names used in the teleplay. Specifically, many of the names in the script were altered – often to correct factual gaffs –as the script progressed to the final shooting draft. It’s unknown as to whether Ralston and Coon made the changes themselves or whether they were suggested by Kellam DeForest research, but, in my opinion, all of the changes were good. Here are examples of some of the more prominent differences:

• In a subtle (perhaps arguable) mistake, Apollo repeatedly refers to Ulysses in the script instead of Odysseus. Although the name Ulysses is synonymous with the name Odysseus, Odysseus comes from the Greek and Ulysses from the Latin. This was corrected in the revised final draft.
• In the aired version, Apollo resides on the planet Pollux IV. In the script, he resides on Thetis 23 or 24 (both numbers are used). The name Pollux is well known in Greek mythology as a reference to one of the Gemini twins and son of Leda and Zeus. Interestingly, Thetis is also known in Greek mythology as the creator of the universe and mother to Achilles. It is unclear as to exactly why this reference was changed, but it may be because Pollux is the name of an actual star and the producers may have wanted to make the episode appear to be more grounded in reality
• Carolyn Palamas, the name of the AAA officer in the broadcast version, is Carolyn Bassett in the script. It’s likely this change was made to avoid a conflict with the name of a real, living person. BTW, neither "AAA" nor its definition is mentioned in the script.

Finally, I’ll note that the landing party’s communicators are not destroyed with the phasers in the script and are working throughout its story. As we’ll see, Kirk regularly talks with Sulu and this significantly affects the action.

The Teaser

The scripted teaser contains the same basic dramatics elements as the broadcast version but it is far less refined. Specifically, the dialogue is awkward and not always appropriate to the character. For example, here is an excerpt of an exchange concerning Scotty’s interest in Carolyn that just doesn’t quite ring true:

Also, for inexplicable reasons, Uhura does not appear in the teaser. Chekov speaks all of her lines in the broadcast version.

Act I

There are relatively few differences between the scripted and aired versions of this act. Some of the major ones include:

• Apollo initially reveals his full name as Apollo Belvedere. This sounds rather silly until later in the act when he reveals he is also known as Nomius, Lycian, and Apollo Musagetes – names of other Earth representations of Apollo.
• Kirk tries to break Apollo’s "hand" force field by phasering through it in the script (tractor beams are used in the aired version).
• Carolyn is called to the bridge by Kirk where he asks her for her opinion concerning Apollo and the situation unfolding before them. She replies to him that she "doesn’t understand it at all." This small interchange was unnecessary and understandably deleted from the final script.
• The unit of pressure in the script is PSI (pounds per square inch) as opposed to GSC (grams per square centimeter) used in the aired version. And it is Spock in the script that relays the pressure information to Kirk.

Act II

Of all the acts in the script, this one is the most different from those aired, mainly because many of its scenes are juxtaposed. Some of the other variations include:

• Sulu’s original, rather mundane shipboard dialogue in the script (given to Spock in the final shooting draft and aired version) is significantly beefed-up to make Spock appear more authoritarian.
• In the script, Apollo does not disappear with a pained look on his face. In fact, the entire "Apollo channeling power" subplot is relegated to the latter portion of this act and treated fairly casually.
• Carolyn’s encyclopedic recitation to Kirk on Apollo’s history is not in the script. Although painfully expository, it was a useful addition to the broadcast version because it quickly clues-in the viewer as to who Apollo was/is.
• Rather than Scotty, it is Kirk who aims his soon-to-be-melted phaser at Apollo.
• Kirks discussion with McCoy concerning the appearance of Apollo on old earth (as a sophisticated space traveler) doesn’t appear in the script.
• Kirk calls Sulu on his communicator and instructs him to "reverse the polarity of that field around the ship." In the broadcast version, Spock figures this out himself.
• In the script, it is made clear that gods need their worshippers:

APOLLO
But we have our weaknesses. When a god is not needed…
when his worshippers are gone… his spirit weakens, like a fading candle.

Act III

The scripted scenes in act III are essentially the same as those broadcast, just rearranged. Here are some of the differences:

• Apollo’s pained fade-out and Chekov’s observation of same are not present in the script.
• Chekov’s humor is not developed. For example, his "Minsk cat" joke is not present.
• Since the landing party is in constant communication with the Enterprise, the scenes of Uhura rigging the subspace bypass circuit are unnecessary and not present in the script.
• The four officers trying to goad Apollo into striking one of them does not appear in this act. Rather, it is in Act IV and occurs between Carolyn’s rejection of Apollo and the firing of the Enterprise’s phasers on the temple.
• The romance between Apollo and Carolyn is far more intense in this act. In fact, the act that, as we'll see, sets up the tag:

She is as if hypnotized. As he pulls her closer, she looks up at him, and her expression shows that she is looking into the infinite. Something so huge as to dwarf her.

Act IV

With the exception of the tag omitted from the broadcast (discussed below), the differences between the aired and scripted versions of this act are fairly minor:

• As mentioned at the beginning of this review, Spock’s scripted lines on the planet were distributed to Chekov and McCoy in the broadcast version. Given the differences in the characters though, the scripted lines were sometimes reworked. For example, at the top of this act Chekov offers assistance to Kirk in talking to Lt. Palamas. In the aired version, Kirk asks Chekov how old he is, and, based on Chekov’s response, Kirk tells him that he (Kirk) should handle it himself. In the script, it is Spock who offers his assistance. This is how Kirk replies:

Ouch –a very poor joke in my opinion.

• Kirk’s "flesh against flesh" speech, the one he delivers to Carolyn as he tries to convince her to spurn Apollo, is delivered by Scotty in the script. In the script, after Carolyn delivers the line "How can I?" Kirk calls the Enterprise to ask Sulu how the work is progressing in negating the force field.
• We learn from Spock that Apollo’s temple is not made of marble but of "an extraordinarily hard metal, with peculiar conductive properties" that creates its own shield.
• Apollo starts to grow larger as he fires his thunderbolts at the Enterprise. In the broadcast version, he waits until after his temple is destroyed.
• As stated above, the most significant difference between the scripted and aired versions is the scene (the episode tag) immediately following Kirk’s line of "Would it have hurt us, I wonder…just to gather a few laurel leaves?" In this scripted version, it is then revealed that Carolyn is pregnant with Apollo’s child:

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SPACE – THE ENTERPRISE

moving rapidly through the wide field of stars.

INT. BRIDGE

Spock and Kirk are in conference at the command chair. McCoy enters from behind them, looking somewhat bemused. He approaches them, stops. Kirk and Spock look at him.

A fascinating and thought-provoking ending, but one that may have pushed the bounds of propriety for 1960’s television.

Sunago

To conclude this review, there are a lot of differences between the final draft of this script and the aired episode: Chekov gained a sense of humor, Spock was relegated to the bridge, and we lost a god-child--just to name a few. In many regards, this draft reminds me of a first draft rather than a final. No matter though, the script for "Who Mourns For Adonais?" was eventually polished to a high gloss enabling the episode to take its place as one of Star Trek’s best.

Gilbert A. Ralston (1912-1999): Producer and writer during the 1960s and 1970s. During his career, he wrote more than 50 screenplays including 2003’s Willard. He was also responsible for co-creating the television series The Wild Wild West.

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