written by Steven W. Carabatsos
rewrite of Harlan Ellison script
REWRITE, dated October 1966
report & analysis by David
Eversole
The Enterprise
approaches a planet near the center of the universe, the fabled ancient home of the time
vortex. Energy patterns -- "Dextrite 7
through Y, inclusive" -- are emanating from the planet, causing severe shudders
throughout the ship. Sulu's station is hardest
hit -- he tumbles to the floor. McCoy is
called to the bridge and administers Milikren Adrenaline, which revives Sulu. Another ship shudder and McCoy falls on his hypo,
injecting himself. Delusional, convinced that
Kirk will kill him, McCoy chokes the captain. Spock
applies the SPOCK PINCH and McCoy falls unconscious.
McCoy is confined
to a bed in Sickbay.
Kirk, Spock,
Yeoman Linda Bennet, Security Officer James Donelly and Assistant Science Officer Pete
Kelso beam down to the barren planet. There
they discover that their chronometers are running backward and they are experiencing a
kind of time loop. They repeat actions without
remembering, or barely remembering that they just did them (Kirk issuing the same orders
twice, Donelly forgetting that he was sent to walk a security perimeter about the others,
etc.). Spock is least affected, but cannot
explain what is happening to them.
Sulu visits McCoy
in sickbay. With the Medic attending him gone
from the room, he has Sulu bring him an antidote to the adrenalin poisoning from a
cabinet. Sulu does so, and McCoy
surreptitiously breaks it. Sulu releases the
doctor so that he may save some of the antidote. Once
released, McCoy slugs Sulu and escapes.
Kirk and party
explore and discover the Time Vortex, a pillar of light, from which a voice emanates,
introducing itself as the Guardian of Forever. Before
the vortex is a squat and massive machine, a corroded computer which records all history,
everywhere, throughout the universe -- "the memory for the vortex."
Yeoman Linda tries
to contact the Enterprise and discovers that their communicators will not work in the
vicinity of the vortex. Kirk is eager to get
back to the Enterprise to help McCoy, but Spock wants to study the machine closer. Kirk tells him he has an hour, then leaves with
Yeoman Linda to go back to their original beam down point where they know that their
communicators will work.
On the bridge
Uhura tells Briggs, the acting Captain, that McCoy has overpowered the transporter tech
and beamed down to the planet.
McCoy materializes
near Kirk and Linda Bennet. He attacks Kirk
and they fight. Linda screams and runs off,
yelling for Kelso and Donelly to come help the captain.
McCoy bashes Kirk
over the head with a rock and runs off in the general direction of the vortex. A moment, Kirk comes to, staggers after him.
McCoy approaches
the vortex. Spock and Kirk try to calm him,
close in slowly, but he turns and leaps into the pillar of light. (Carabatsos calls for a special effect to show that
all time from 1930 to the present has been changed. No
real detail, he just asks for one to visualize this.)
Since Kirk and
McCoy were near the vortex, they have not been erased from existence by the changes McCoy
made in the past. But Linda, Kelso and
Donelly, out of range of its influence, are gone, as is the Enterprise.
Kirk realizes they
are trapped there forever.
Spock tells Kirk
that he has two recordings in his tricorder. One
taken before McCoy went back, and one taken after he went back. He can compare the two and find the divergence,
find what McCoy did that changed time. So Kirk
and Spock walk through the vortex and emerge on a street in New York in the 1930s.
Trooper, a legless
veteran who fought at Verdun, rolls by on his small board with skate-wheels, selling
apples. Not understanding the exchange of
currency for items, Kirk and Spock take apples, and cannot pay Trooper, who believes they
are "swell" rich boys from "uptown," out partying amongst the poor.
Others nearby also
decry the two. They wonder into a nearby
mission where Sister Edith Keeler is helping the homeless and downtrodden. She is arguing with a rodent-like man named Keefer. Keefer blames all his troubles on others. He wants to knock a few of those foreigners' heads
together, teach 'em something He is really
quite sick of Edith and her preaching. Edith
is equally sick of his phony flag-waving and pretend patriotism.
Kirk and Spock
interrupt this argument. Edith also mistakes
the two in their nice uniforms for rich boys out slumming and asks them to please leave.
Spock steals some
clothes for them from the mission's charity bins, and he and Kirk are chased by an angry
mob, but find a basement to hide out in. Since
Spock surmises that no one would hire him, Kirk goes out and gets a job as a dishwasher
while Spock stays in the basement comparing the two versions of history he has in his
tricorder.
One night, after
work, Kirk wearily walks home, but stops back in at the mission and talks with Edith. They connect instantly, she forgives him for his
and Spock's theft of the clothes and calls him "Jimmy" as she closes up for the
night. Happy, Kirk leaves, but is attacked in
an alley by Keefer and his thugs.
Spock rescues Kirk
and hurries them back to their basement. He is
close to finding out what change McCoy made. He
doesn't know exactly what it was, but he does know that it kept the United States out of
World War II, allowing Hitler's Germany to win and rule the world.
Kirk is
revitalized after meeting Edith, happily goes to work washing dishes. There is a spring in his step now. He has dinner with Edith and drops a line of poetry
on her -- "When night proceeds to fall, all men become strangers." When Edith professes her unfamiliarity with the
poem, Kirk tells her it is by Coulson Nine, whose work is considered the most beautiful in
the galaxy.
Kirk and Edith
declare their love for one another.
In the basement
Spock reacts to something on his tricorder... something
stunning. He grabs his jacket and runs out...
Spock interrupts
Kirk and Edith at dinner. There is something
he must tell the captain. Edith tells Kirk to
go ahead. She needs to check in on a new man
living at the mission, one who stumbled in just a few days ago, a cranky sort of fellow
who prescribes his own medicine. Kirk asks his
name.
Edith replies,
"McCoy. He asked to be called
Bones."
In the Mission
Sick Room, Kirk and Spock are reunited with McCoy. Edith
leaves the three friends. Spock explains what
he found on the tricorder. Tomorrow night,
Sister Edith Keeler will hold a peace rally. It
would have been the first of many, and would have kept the United States out of the coming
war. But she will be killed by an angry mob,
lead by Keefer.
Spock tells them
that McCoy changed history by saving her life after she was beaten by the mob. Kirk must not allow this to happen.
Edith Keeler must
die.
In the mission,
Jim and Edith talk. He is distant. She knows that he is going away from her, but can't
understand why. She walks away from him and
sets up her podium.
Kirk and Spock get
McCoy and they leave the mission. McCoy is
angry as hell, does not want to let Edith die, cannot understand why they can't just take
her back to the future with them, stop her from starting the peace movement. Spock tells him that in her absence, her friends
and followers would redouble their efforts in her memory and the result would be the same. She must die.
They wait on the
street outside the mission. A song from
within, a lovely beautiful song. Soon Edith is
singing solo and it breaks Kirk's and McCoy's hearts as Keefer and his thugs rush in. They listen as Edith screams in pain as she is
beaten. McCoy makes to go inside, but Kirk
grabs him, holds him, will not let him go to her.
Finally Kirk can
stand it no longer, and rushes in, followed by Spock and McCoy. They disperse the mob, and Kirk holds the badly
beaten Edith in his arms, assures her of his everlasting love as she dies.
They are instantly
jerked forward in time and stand before the Guardian of Forever. All has been set right. The Enterprise is in orbit as it should be.
On the bridge
Spock asks Kirk to come to Vulcan to heal himself of the pain of Edith's loss. McCoy assures Jim that he will forget the pain. Spock tells McCoy, "He was prepared to offer
her the universe for love. How can he
forget?"
A few thoughts on
why this draft just did not work for me.
-- Trooper, a
character who actually meant something in Ellison's draft, is wasted here. He rolls by, we feel sorry for him, and he is gone.
-- Spock's role in
the story is basically reduced to sitting in the basement, reading. He does not work, does not even have to build any
1930s memory boards, nothing. His commentary
on the times is gone, his active role, his concern, all gone.
-- Keefer is
beyond nasty. Now I know there are more than a
few real-life Keefers out there, blaming their laziness and failure on "damn
furriners," but his beating of Edith is just grossly obscene, even though it is off
screen. Yeah, getting hit by a truck ain't
pretty, either, but it is the damn randomness of the latter that breaks all our hearts.
-- Linda is
another fairly inept woman. I much prefer the
strong role Ellison originally wrote for Rand.
STEVEN W. CARABATSOS (1938-): Writer for film and television from 1964 to 1987. Series he contributed scripts to include Peyton Place, The Big Valley, Ben Casey and Kojak. He wrote the 1980 film The Flight of Noah's Ark. He served as Story Consultant during Star Trek's first season, and in addition to co-writing "Court Martial," he wrote "Operation - Annihilate!".
We'd like to thank Harvey for transcribing these hard-to-find
documents. His Star Trek Fact Check http://startrekfactcheck.blogspot.com/
is another excellent on-line source for those wishing to know more about the outlines and
early drafts of Star Trek scripts.
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