written by Barry Trivers
FINAL REVISED DRAFT, dated September 8, 1966
with revised pages, dated September 12, 13, 14, 15, 19, 20, 22, 1966
report & analysis by David Eversole
This script (originally entitled, "Portrait In Black and White") is a prime example of the old maxim, "What looks good on paper does not always look good on screen." Little moments throughout, while powerful, in and of themselves, serve no dramatic function, and in some cases tend to give away too much too soon. Which is no slam on Trivers. His excellent teleplay is vibrant and effecting, one of the first season standouts.
Trivers' first shot in the teleplay is a view of the city on Planet Q with a poster--STELLAR COMPANY OF ACTORS--superimposed over it. His next shot calls for us to see King Duncan asleep moments before Macbeth enters and stabs him to death. In the aired version we open on MacBeth's upraised dagger, the music trembling on the soundtrack. How far more effective this shot is than those specified by Trivers.
Trivers specifies that the city be the same cutout used in Pilot Number One (Mojave from "The Cage").
Dr. Leighton is simply described as "crippled, hunched over." There is no mention of a mask to hide a disfigured face.
In the script, Spock enters the briefing room in time to overhear Kirk first requesting information on Karidian. In the aired version, he does not enter until after this request.
In the script, during Kirk's first meeting with Lenore, after Kirk calls the Astral Queen a good ship, he continues to Lenore:
Do you enjoy your work?
I'm an actress... and I'm acting.
But... to play the classics, in
these times, when people prefer
star-video... it isn't always as
rewarding as it could be.
But you continue.
My father. He feels he owes it to
(a little bitterly)
... not that the public cares.
In the aired version the above is omitted, Kirk takes a
drink from a waiter and compliments Lenore on her Lady Macbeth performance.
After Martha Leighton covers her husband's dead body with a blanket, the following was excised:
I'm deeply sorry, Martha.
It was different for you, Jim.
A young midshipman, no family there...
I know. Tom's parents were
there, two brothers...
Twenty years and he still had
nightmares - I'd wake him and he'd
tell me he still heard the screams
of the innocent.
In the script, Captain Dailey's first name is spelled
Dr. McCoy is present on the bridge when Lenore comes aboard to ask for a ride to Benecia, though the narrative indicating he is hanging around--looking tart--is crossed through with a pen on my photocopy. Throughout Triver's script, stage directions and dialogue tags call McCoy "Doc."
As in the Blish adaptation, the young Lieutenant who also witnessed the atrocities on Tarsus II is named Robert Daiken. This name is crossed out and "Riley" is handwritten in most directions and dialogue tags.
The scene between Kirk and Spock, after Kirk orders Riley transferred back to Engineering, continues in the script.
Why, Captain? He's a fine young
officer... He's bound to consider this
transfer as a disciplinary action...
I am not interested in discussing it, Mr. Spock.
Simply carry out my orders.
Aye aye, sir.
How about the synthetic food
samples we were supposed to pick
up from Dr. Leighton?
There aren't any, Mr. Spock.
That fact will have to be noted.
Diverting a star ship...
Is a serious business. I know.
Well, a black mark against Dr. Leighton
isn't going to hurt him now.
One more thing, Mr. Spock. Karidian
is somewhat of a hermit. Pass it
on to all hands... he's not to be disturbed.
And the young lady?
Within the limits of regulations, she's
to be permitted the freedom of the ship.
Taking them to Benecia will delay
us additional days...
My worry, Mr. Spock.
Whatever affects the efficiency of the
Enterprise is my worry, too, sir.
Your concern touches me, Mr. Spock.
But I assure you everything is well
Spock stares at him, eyebrows arched. Something is wrong... he doesn't know
what... but he'd like very much to find out what.
Most of the above is really unnecessary.
Leonard Nimoy's fine acting, his slight frowns and body language more than convey his
puzzlement and concern, no need to put it all in words, plus later in the script (and in
version) he has almost identical lines stating that anything that affects the ship is his concern.
In the Observation Corridor scene there are several changes:
--Kirk's line about "soft lights and music" is not scripted.
Some of the following lines, and Rand's walk-on, are not in the aired version. After Lenore's famous "throbbing, but under control" analogy, Kirk says:
I hope I impress you more as a man
than a machine.
An intriguing combination of both.
All this power at your command...
and yet the decisions...
...come from a very human source.
Are you, Captain? Human?
You can count on it.
They are interrupted by the arrival of YEOMAN RAND, who carries a duty roster, and who has been looking for the Captain. She approaches.
Excuse me, sir... you said you
wanted this roster as soon as it
Yes. Thank you, Yeoman.
He takes the roster from her, and she leaves without batting an eye. Lenore watches her go, somewhat amused.
BACK TO SCENE
She's quite lovely...
And very efficient...
Kirk smiles, and Lenore is once again the little girl, so 'curious' about a man's world and the wonders in it.
The script then agrees with what aired for a few lines, then we have these excised lines after Lenore asks if the machine has changed women, made them "just people, instead of women" in his world:
On this ship they have the same
duties and functions as the men.
They compete equally... and get no
special privileges. But they are still women.
Especially... those like the one
who just left. So pretty... I'm
afraid she didn't like me.
You're imagining things. Yeoman
Rand is strictly business.
How charming. Captain of a Star Ship...
and to know so little about women.
Still, I can hardly blame her. You
are an exceptional man, Captain.
And you're a most unusual woman.
Perhaps I am.
Mighty engines... endless space.
Tell me, Captain, in all this vast
space of yours, do people still
behave as they did when they had only one world?
Human nature hasn't changed. Grown,
perhaps, expanded... but not changed...
That's a comfort... To know that
people's human feelings haven't
changed -- that they can still feel
- fall in love - build a private
dream - and experience its fulfillment -
(turns to him)
All this... and power, too... A
Caesar of the Stars... and Cleopatra
to worship him...
She moves close and slowly her arms go around him. Kirk's very human response matches her move and her kiss is warm and lingering... She is the first to draw out of it, looking into his eyes, as if to make sure he is real.
I had to know - I have never
kissed Caesar before -
A rehearsal, Miss Karidian...?
And now a performance, dear Captain...
And she kisses him again. Hard.
After Spock and McCoy discuss Spock's belief that Kirk knows Karidian is Kodos, the following was cut:
There is a sudden sound as of a man clearing his throat. McCoy and Spock whirl around in surprise.
FULL SHOT - FAVORING KARIDIAN
Karidian stands facing them. In a dressing gown, his white hair framing his face, his head like a lion's proud and aloof... but he seems a little... apologetic.
I beg your pardon, gentlemen. I
seem to have lost my way. I am
ON McCOY AND MR. SPOCK
as they exchange a look; wondering how much he has heard.
Certain areas of this ship are
restricted. This is one of them.
BACK TO SCENE
Forgive me. I did not know. I
usually take a walk when everyone
else is asleep. I rest better.
He bows to them with a touch of formality and goes OFF. There is a tense silence between the two men... Spock turns to face Doc, his face grim.
I wonder how much he heard...
Doc doesn't know, can't answer, but the look on his face is grim.
When Uhura sings to Riley, the following verse, the second, of "Beyond Antares" was omitted:
"There waits my love, a-sleeping,
Where my heart is, where my heart is,
Where the great blue crane its watch is keeping,
Somewhere, beyond the stars...Beyond Antares."
Instead of the obvious 20th century spray
bottle, the poison is put into Riley's milk from a small vial.
In the scene where Spock and McCoy confront Kirk about his suspicions, the aired scene ends after Kirk, referring to the dead of Tarsus II, says they may rest easier. In the script it continues, and then cuts to a scene between Lenore and Karidian that was also cut.
I don't know who's worse...
... the calculating machine...
Or the Captain-cum-mystic. You
have a job to do. Leave Kodos
to somebody else.
Kirk sets his jaw, almost angrily.
No! Because somebody else won't
care the way I do. I was there!
I saw it happen!
You're the commander of a Star Ship...
Now yes... but what about before?
Fresh out of the Academy. Young,
inexperienced, a midshipman...
stationed on a colony which was
disintegrating before my eyes!
Starvation! Rioting! Disaster!
I saw men, women and children
forced into an anti-matter chamber
... and a self-appointed messiah
named Kodos threw a switch, and
there wasn't anyone inside anymore!
Four thousand people! Dead!
And you know something funny? I was one
of those Kodos spared! He ordered me left alive!
I was one of the fittest!
And you want me to forget that?
I'm sorry, doctor. I'm a human
being... and there are some things
human beings simply do not forget.
They stare at him. There is no answer.
INT. KARIDIAN'S QUARTERS
Karidian's composure is not that of the acclaimed actor confident in his talent and the homage of the civilized universe. Instead, we see a harried man, pacing nervously. Lenore ENTERS.
Where have you been?
Lenore reacts to his ruffled condition. Almost maternally, she moves forward to calm him, as one would a child.
I'm here now.
She eases him gently down on his bed.
It's all right, father...
He nods vaguely, firmly holding on to her hand.
After a nap, you'll feel better.
I'm sorry that Kirk's Tarsus II speech was
dropped. It is prime Shatner scenery-chewing material, and he would have attacked it
intensely, and it would have been a marvel to behold. Though it would make him about 42
years old, (20 years after graduating the academy at 22 or so), which was much older than
Shatner's 35 years when this was filmed. And how young must Riley have been when he was on
The scene between Lenore and Karidian only goes to reinforce that Lenore is obviously the murderer. In fact, the only weakness this episode has is the GLARING OBVIOUS fact that she is a deranged loony almost from page one. But, it's not the point. I think we're supposed to know, much as we know that Macbeth is a murderer egged on by his wife, or that we know Hamlet knows all about Claudius' murder of Old Hamlet.
After Kirk disposes of the phaser on overload, the scene continues thus:
The incident should relieve some
of the doubts in your mind, Captain.
If you need any further proof that
you are the target...
Very little, Mr. Spock.
Angrily he turns to walk away. Spock stops him.
Where're you going?
I'm going with you.
You are not.
In your present state of mind...
I'll worry about my state of
mind. Return to your post!
That's an order!
He strides on down the hall. Helplessly, Spock watches him go.
After Lenore confronts Kirk for using her as he would a tool, after Kirk exits, she goes to her father.
Are you frightened, father?
as he quotes from the 'ghost scene' in Hamlet:
'I am thy father's spirit -
Doomed for a certain term to
walk the night...'
As she stares at him in mounting fear.
Lenore's introduction of "Hamlet" continues with:
It probes the timeless question of
personal guilt - doubt - and
indecision - and examines the thin
line between Justice and Vengeance...
It begins on a castle's walls --
many years ago --
When Spock and Kirk review and match Karidian's voice to Kodos', the scene continues after Kirk notes it is not an exact match:
There are differences, of course. But a man's
voice changes in twenty years.
The machine takes that into
consideration. No, Mr. Spock, we might as
well face it. It's not conclusive.
Logic alone makes it conclusive.
The machine -
The machine is not the Captain of
this ship. The decisions are mine.
We are dealing with a man's life, Mr. Spock.
There must be no mistake.
Spock is aware of his responsibility, says nothing.
Although the last exchange is not
absolutely necessary, it is of course an echo of dialogue between Lenore and Kirk--the
loss of human qualities in the age of the machine; is Kirk human or machine--from the
Observation Corridor scene.
Karidian attempts to justify his actions as Kodos to Kirk in a scripted speech omitted from the aired episode:
Try to understand. There were
things that had to be done...
hard things, terrible things...
but necessary. And I was so
wrong? You were one of those I
chose to live. Look at you. A
leader of men... a man of decision...
even as I was. Someday, perhaps
you, too, will have to choose...
The rest is as aired, though Sulu is
indicated in the script, Mr. Leslie gets his few lines.
With my love of science fiction and Shakespeare, it goes without saying that this episode is in my top five, higher, probably, than most fans place it. One of the strengths of Star Trek's flexible format is the diversity of story
genres it can encompass -- hard science fiction, action-adventure, mysteries, whodunits, comedies, satires... the list is endless.
Trivers' teleplay is actually an ideal play. Should someone ever mount a production of this episode (once upon a time Gene Roddenberry was quite lenient when it came to such amateur productions, as long as no profit, other than for charity and cost of production, was involved), I would hope that they would include all of the cut scenes and dialogue as they make for much better stage-bound acting than an aired television episode, which more often than not, must discard much character work and cut to the proverbial chase.
BARRY S. TRIVERS (1907-1981): Noted screenplaywright who wrote for movies and television from 1932 to 1974. The first twenty or so years, he was primarily a writer of films, then began turning his attention to television in the 1950's. He wrote for Rawhide, The Untouchables, Route 66, Tarzan (the Ron Ely series), Mannix, Kojak and Harry O. "The Conscience of The King" was his only work for Star Trek.
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